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What does it really mean to be alive? I ask myself this a lot. For a long time I considered myself to be dead to a degree. A leaf that did not quite decompose after the winter snow melts. Something you know is dead but just shambles around like a zombie. I avoid human contact a lot of times to avoid spreading this body eating plague I have somehow convinced myself I have because, for better or worse, no one willingly talks to me outside 3 people. I do not quite know what to make of that.
People tell me, and I tell others to be fair, that life is worth willing. I still believe it to a degree, but I also think that for some people. There is no way out. The human body is capable of incredible things and accomplishes those things but also it can be a true prison. For me its my chromosomes. For others is simply the way electrical signals interact with the chemical deposits that our body relies on.
What does it mean to be alive? To be more than a zombie shambling along in an illusion that things will get better without trying.